Even though relationships are one of the most important aspects of our lives as human beings, we very rarely learn exactly how to be in the kind of relationships we would like to have. We end up having relationships "by default" and do whatever it is that we learned growing up. Often times, we learned that when we are upset it is okay to yell, get mean, withdraw, or shut out the people that we love. These strategies prove to be effective defense mechanisms to keep YOU safe, but they have a hurtful impact on a relationship. The defense mechanisms speak into what YOU may need, but they do not speak to what the relationship needs. When couples feel frustrated, distant, and stuck, it is usually because they are in this defensive place. They are reacting instead of intentionally responding. They are in power struggle instead of a true partnership. ....If this is YOU right now in your relationship, you may be thinking that you are "over it," and that there is "no chance for you." But couples counseling with Dr.